I'm sick.
But alas, that does not stop me from romanticizing every bit of it!
Be prepared for this long update as I am sipping on tea and drowning in tissues and cough drop wrappers.
My nose is flushed and rosy, I can cozy up in layers and blankets, drink warm beverages... So that's where I'm at right now.
Also I feel like September is flying by?? I swear it just started yet we have a week left..but I mean that means birthday month! Woo!
Let's start off with a little personal drama. ⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺
As of recently (like 2 years) I felt this distance from my friends. Completely not in my control. It all started with some boys entering their lives. Now, as a senior in high school, this is definitely one of the more trivial problems in my life, however it affects me more than I'd like to admit because these are my closest friends since middle school.
I've outgrown other friendships and it felt like this friend group was the only one that "made it through". We've seen each others phases and I was hoping at least senior year I would keep this solidified circle.
I was wrong. Some boys (don't even get me started on how bad they suck) were entertaining my friends, one thing led to another, and now they are dating! Two of the girls have boyfriends, and my other friend doesn't. Yet...she's always invited to their hangouts. I guess mine got lost in the mail haha! I didn't even get the chance to adjust to having two guys in the group. I was simply removed from the equation altogether.
It started off tame, their hangouts, inside jokes, group chat. I didn't like the boys so less opportunity to see them. Great! But then, the girls started branching off as their own trio. Now the groupchat with the boys extended to just the three of my friends. I tried putting in the effort to reach out, it's not like I fell off the face of the earth (not yet). But no one replied, no one reciprocated. I gave up.
On top of having no classes with any of them, I reallyyy grew distant. Their trio groupchat became more active than ours. I was ignored.
There's a lot of nuance and other details that I could add, but it's to the point of no return, so I'm a bit lazy regurgitating it all out lol.
I enjoy my solitude. I'm not friendless, and I've talked about this with some of my other close friends. They've noticed. They agree. They shared some personal opinions that opened my eyes...
Anyway, quick rant/update?
I've accepted the situation so it's "all good". I just wish things didn't turn out this way, especially senior year of high school with the whole last hurrah or whatever.
I feel you, I too have been drowning in tissues :,( As for your situation, it sounds tough I can imagine, but I also don't think its much in your control. I know you say you accepted it and its all good, but it doesn't mean you cant be a mad or sad about it, so its ok if you are. Unfortunately things like that happen. I like to think everything happens for a reason, if this has happened now, it probably would have happened later, so you're better off without them in a way. If they've acted this way towards you, would you really want them around you? People and their situations, way of thinking and outlook change, and we have to accept each present reality we're faced with. I'd say lean on your other friends, keep your head up and pave a new way, and have your own hurrah :) <3
ReplyDeletehi fawn!
Deletefirst of all, i LUV ur blog sm ⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚
second of all, let's hope we escape the tissues soon to enjoy the fall weather haha
third of all, i rlly appreciate the reassurance :)
it's interesting bec i value my alone time soso much and am comfortable being alone (sometimes a little too much), but the lost of friendship really does sting :/
i find myself going thru old photos and the memories/nostlagia comes rushing back, so there are def times i'm sad...
so lastly, i will take ur words of advice (ty btw) and keep moving forwards to my own last hurrah, however that may look like!